Super-Soaked (again)

Every SINGLE time I turn into the Target parking lot I’m amazed by the gangs of people swarming storeward. They move as if on a conveyer belt with just that kind of Night-of-the-Living-Dead absence of personal will, as if chanting to themselves Target Store ahead, must enter, Target store ahead, must enter. And hey maybe that’s why the name and logo. Target stores are the dusky inner hallways of flowers and we poor suckers are the bees; they’re the nipple made purposely dark for the hungry milk-seeking newborn, the ♀ to our amorous ♂. "We got what you need honey, come on in!"So yesterday I did and in my tiresome schoolmarmish way immediately donned the Scornful Cloak, saying to my young companion "Look at this! People not from the west come into our stores and are stunned by the abundance and variety on the shelves!”We passed a brightly colored stack of  bubble-blowing kits. "They say our pupils dilate in the presence of so much stock!" "True that," said my young friend, studying the back of the Dr. Dre CD resting right beside a DVD of Sleepless in Seattle, that long-ago cry-on-my-padded shoulders film. They’ve got it all nowadays, from drugs to electronics to earrings so dangly they look like chandeliers. These days you can even buy a couple of noggins of iceberg lettuce or a brace of green peppers held up as taut and double-mounded under their plastic wrap as breasts in a bra ad - along WITH your peat moss and storage bins. But “Who needs all this?" I rattled on. "No wonder they hate us in other cultures!  Look at the tumbled stuff in these mini-aisles up front here.” I said, suddenly slowing, my eye on this nice little sword with its curved and piratey knuckle guard.Hmmm!” I said. “I wonder if they have another like this?” We made a quick dash up and down those halls of honey and sure enough, here was a second one tossed in the bin with the Super Soakers®. So, two swords, the exact right length and made of nice bendy foam. I threw ‘em quick in my cart and was through checkout before you could say Undead.